I often wish I hadn't fucked around and bullshitted away my chances for a college education. I spent my 20's trippin off stupid shit and thinking I'd be straight forever 'cause I had a good job. I'm sure if I'd gotten myself some schoolin I'd actually have a career right now. I'm tired of starting over from the bottom of the heap. It sucks completely.
Tomorrow I have to drag Jayden first to the welfare office, where we've got to get
food stamps started again and our
Medi-Cal benefits extended. Then we have to go downtown to the
Head Start office, to fill out all the paperwork & do the beginning-of-the-school-year interview & education plan thing. What sucks about this is that you have to have a letter from your employer to get your kid on a full day schedule; since I'm not working right now, he'll have to go from 9 to 3:30. This means that when I do get a job there's a mad scramble to get the letter on the first day of my new gig. What's triflin about Head Start is that they don't care if I'm working at a temp agency and need to be available at any time to work 8 to 5.
Shit, at least Head Start is out there. If I had to pay for school/childcare he'd be in the most horrible, ghetto ass daycare because that's all I'd be able to afford working these crappy jobs I've had the past coupla years. Either that, or with my mom, which is not much better. Well, it is better, but her apartment is tiny, and she lives in that same neighborhood you keep seeing on the front page of the
Tribune. You know, the neighborhood where all the
young black men are
shooting at each other, the one with the
street corner memorials on every other block. Yeah, that's where moms is at. So I don't exactly rest easy just 'cause Jayden's at Grandma's.
So, anyway, I've got all this to do tomorrow, and I'm up at 1:30 am because I can't sleep for shit. I've tried a coupla times but there's just too much in my brain right now. Some of it's cool, some of it's all fucked up. I'm still depressed, but I've had so much optimism lately that I'm not trippin off the blues all the time. Nights are still kinda bad. So I'm up and doing bullshit.
My play sister left a message on my answering machine last night. "I just wanted to let you know, if you see a big fire in San Jose on the news, and see our building, we're okay. It was the construction site behind us..." I didn't get the message until late, and I just thought good, I'm glad they're okay. Well, this afternoon I had the TV on for the first time (other than
PBS kids in the am) in weeks. Turns out that was some
big ass fire. The mayor of San Jose was down at the scene and holding press conferences and everything. They showed shots of Boo's apartments; the ones next to hers, I think, are the ones that burned down. The fire started at this big development under construction on like the next street over. All kinds of big SanJo mucky-mucks are involved with the project, it seems. I'm just glad Boo & my two nieces still have a home. I'm also glad she called me to tell me they were alright. She knows that if I'd seen her building on TV, all in the path of what they were calling an inferno, I'd have freaked the fuck out.
Sigh. I'm hungry but I don't want to eat. I've been feeling that way quite a bit lately. Once upon a time I would've been cool with that, with the calorie count going down and shit. But now that I have diabetes I'm not supposed to skip meals, and especially while taking the
glucose-lowering medication. There are various reasons I'm not eating, and some of them are really stupid. Like, the kitchen is all fucked up and I'm lazy and I just don't want to deal with it, so I buy stuff that doesn't require much in the way of preparation or cooking. And since it's more expensive to eat that way, I don't really have enough money to feed both me & Jayden. At least he's eating more veggies lately, all I have to do is put some frozen broccoli in the 'wave, hook him up some tuna, and it's all good. And, I do cook shit he likes on the weekends, like spaghetti or enchiladas or something, and just nuke it during the week. Breakfast is easy; eggs in the microwave, waffles in the toaster, a banana or apple and some milk. Me, I have an egg and toast every morning. Haven't even had coffee in a while 'cause I'm too through to even clean out the damn coffee maker.
Well.
My favorite
Peter Tosh songs are
Til Your Well Runs Dry and
No Sympathy.
I was all juiced about the new puter, and then when I tried to install
The Sims it didn't work. Read all the little "read me" documents and found some IP thing which told me that my system has a speed of 224 and it needs 233 to run the damn thing. Gah.
The
blog meetup thing is tomorrow evening, and according to the site it looks like there will only be four or five people there. I know folx got other commitments, gotta work, make dinner for the kiddos, stuff like that. But me &
Gwen will be there, and some other people I've never met...so come on through if you can. I've even gotten my mom to almost promise to babysit.